All Access

At the beginning of the Olympics, I arrived at work to find a pass reading “ALL ACCESS” on my keyboard. It was given to me by a thoughtful coworker who knew of my Olympic passion, and thought the pass might carry some cachet. It took me about 3 seconds to figure out that despite the lanyard and bold letters, it was nothing more than a piece of junk mail promoting Yahoo’s “all access” online coverage of the Games. I contemptuously  threw it in the garbage, angry that it got my hopes up for those few fleeting moments. Stupid advertisers.

The extremely convincing pass, modified with some red tape.

I mention this pass because apparently that very same crap on a string can get you within 12 steps of the American Vice President. Today the RCMP admitted that a mentally ill man used the pass to get through 2 layers of security at the Opening Ceremonies. Fortunately the 3rd layer of security probably spotted the facebook and twitter icons on the pass and got a little suspicious. They apprehended the man within spitting distance of the Second in Command.

The mentally ill man won’t likely be charged, but the security guards confiscated the pass and plan on using it to get into the Gold Medal hockey game.

TODAY’S HAPPENINGS:

  • Shaun White showed that bandanas aren’t just for protesters, convincingly winning the men’s halfpipe. Afterward, redhead women all over Vancouver were mistakenly asked for their autographs.
  • The two man luge event wrapped up tonight, leaving only figure skating to make fun of.
  • The US is off to such an huge lead in the medal count, they gave a few out to homeless guys in Vancouver’s east end, just for charity.
  • The “I Believe” song on CTV will drive someone to homicide, and it will probably be me.
  • Stephen Colbert filmed his show in Vancouver today, and more people showed up for that then the Canada Pavilion. Rightly so.
  • Women’s Ski Jumping may have been blocked from the 2010 Games, but that didn’t stop Anja Paerson in today’s downhill.
  • Marianne St-Gelais of Canada manages to grab a silver medal despite having to skate against a couple of dudes.

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